The Silver Lining

Finding The Silver Lining


23 years ago I got sick. I thought it was just a case of the flu…but the cough and runny nose turned into a deep chest cough…the fatigue and body aches became worse until the pain seemed unbearable. My head felt like it was wrapped in cotton balls and it was hard to manage coherent thoughts; I was forgetting words, names. Sleep was becoming more and more of an issue; I’d awake feeling every bit as exhausted as the night before. My tummy hurt and things weren’t working digestively. I was depressed and anxious and worried, and didn’t want to get out of bed.


Weeks turned into months, and more months…and then into years. I thought I was going insane because there were no answers, no one could explain what was happening. It felt like I must have something terminal – how else could the sensation of a once strong, now painful, weak, failing body be explained?


After over a year, one of the specialists, a rheumatologist, diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, saying it was uncurable. “The best you can hope for is to manage the symptoms,” they said as I was handing more prescriptions for anti-depressants, pain and sleeping pills. 


I desperately wanted a ‘magic pill’ – something fast and easy that would return me to my real life. The pharmaceuticals certainly weren’t it – there must be something the doctors were missing. Right???


As time went on, my confident determined spirit was being worn down. The surety and excitement about my future was evaporating. I wondered if I’d have to live the rest of my life like this – and wondered if I could stand it. Depression, despair, and uncharacteristic notions of suicide showed up. 


It had been well over a decade of illness, and I was still sick, struggling daily, and searching for answers to my life-affecting situation. I had been unable to work more often than not, had a bankruptcy, and was isolated for much of that time.
I questioned my purpose and even my existence. I felt unlovable and very alone in my battle.
I still wanted to be ‘fixed’ – I saw myself as broken (later naming my autobiography Not Broken). I was slowly overcoming resistance and opening up to lifestyle changes, and the idea that I could not rely on doctors to get better; it was solely my own responsibility to heal. I had walked away from all pharmaceuticals, which were focused on treating the symptoms (and tended to cause additional issues). In my desire to exercise (unable to do the gym workouts that had been my mainstay), I had found yoga (and later, meditation). 
Then I met a health coach who started the ripple effect of new possibility. I dove into nutrition education, along with other healing modalities and met a man who would be my loving partner for the next six years. I experimented, shifted, went back and forth as resistance came up, and ultimately made massive changes in every way. I was getting stronger, starting to see light again after a whole lot of darkness (more than I would have ever thought I could survive).


It had been years of trial and error, research and education, flying around the country to see doctors of all types, undergoing complex invasive diagnostics and treatment procedures, knee surgery, sleep study, personal development, alternative therapies, healing modalities, and even some very (!) fringe treatments (i.e., gambles).

Total bill: over $223,000 out of pocket. 


I was so resistant to some of the things that would end up making the biggest difference, especially nutrition changes. I didn’t want to give up the foods that gave me comfort, and I didn’t want to believe that that was part of the problem.


After vacillating for years, my newest (yet another) doctor, told me, “If you don’t change your diet and stick to it, you will always be sick.” (I’ve had this very conversation with many clients over the years.)


This was exactly what I needed to hear, with clarity and decisiveness. After grieving for a day, I completely overhauled my lifestyle (way beyond nutrition)…and made a resolution to myself — which I’ve kept since that day. I began to see results, and kept experimenting to see how I could aid and speed up healing.


The last piece was being in service to others, people I knew and did not know, people with similar stories and people simply wanting more energy and better health. My health coach urged me in this direction. Initially I refused – I questioned myself and my abilities, given that I was still healing.


Yet, I realized there was something in my heart that wanted to say YES, wanted to push aside the doubting mind-made objections and say HELL YES! I wanted to be the difference my coach had been to me, I wanted to save others months and years of suffering, to give them the confidence, support and belief of a better way, one that may not be easy but feels like a lock clicking into place. 


After finishing additional schooling and certifications, I gathered a global community by providing virtual informational inspirational events (before it was really a thing). Doctors and medical professionals I’d followed for years, reading their books, watching them on TV, now my colleagues and friends (I’ll never forget telling Dr Mark Hyman that I had loved him for years lol!).


Potential clients were approaching me, speaking opportunities being offered regularly. I started a line of nutrition products and wrote my life story which became a best-seller in 10 Amazon categories, and 2 international countries (shout out to Australia and Germany!!). I was making an impact! 


I worked hard, but my passion kept me strong and devoted. My work with clients and group showed me how instrumental I could be in every aspect of their lives, not just health.


I realized that health is never just about the physical body – it can’t be, it has to go deeper or nothing will change (or it won’t stick).


In additional to health, nutrition, food plans, and weight loss, I started guiding clients in life purpose, career, love life, communication, emotional health, boundaries, confidence, body image, inner peace, aging, beliefs, self-sabotage, manifestation, and of course the primary relationship. I found that each piece was important – missing puzzle pieces make for an incomplete experience (we all want it ALL!).


I saw almost immediately that coaching isn’t about telling others what to do, how to get results. Sure, there’s some strategy (especially with weight loss), some moral support and encouragement for consistency…the truth is your answers are inside YOU. Accessing their inner truth (or even seeing the issue), let alone taking action on it, is not something most can do. This proved to be powerful. 


It took a while to realize and step into my gifts that came so naturally to me, like the ability to receive insights that appeared while in session, to guide the experience based on this information.


After struggling for years, my private clients were experiencing sustainable wellness, daily joy, inner peace…they were FALLING IN LOVE with themselves, again or for the first time. 


My story wasn’t over. I thought I had it all figured out…except my lessons were not over.


Out of the blue my health took a nose dive. All the improvements and healing I had done seemed to evaporate almost overnight. 


The symptoms I’d struggled with for years were back, worse than ever. It seemed like deja-vu, a nightmarish repeat of previous years. I panicked. I noticed a compelling desire to find immediate solutions (rather than understand what was happening and why). Doctor after doctor, no answers. Losing hope, losing my sanity. Frustrated and confused, feeling betrayed by my body. Unsure I could go through it again.


I created The Cutting Edge Convention as a way to be proactive about getting answers – for myself, and in the process I was able to share them with you and the world. I brought in experts like Dr Todd Watts, who discussed unexplained illness, Heather and Damian Dube who addressed Autoimmunity. Brain chemistry with Leah Lund, epigentics with Dr Sands, and new healing technology with Dr Fine. EVERY interview was so very helpful! I’m on the mend.


For the longest time I believed it was just a short term setback, one that it could be swiftly resolved then I could return to my life (sounds familiar to Part 1, right?). Except that didn’t happen. 


Eventually I found answers – some, not all. The past few years have been trying. I was unable to maintain the go-go-go way I was living or working as an entrepreneur. Days I was so worn out I couldn’t get out of bed. Days my body hurt so bad I wanted to crawl out of it to escape the pain. Mourning for my old energy and exuberance. Even my big dreams and passion has been hard to access.


It has been a time of confusion, feeling embarrassed and even ashamed at this setback. Getting sick again threw a wrench into the story! It was supposed to be the hero’s journey…at least that’s how I thought of it. I call it the Healer’s Journey: extreme challenge and obstacles (which turns out to be an adventure), then crisis is resolved in victory, and finally sharing lessons learned to benefit others (the world).

I had conditioned myself to be careful with my words, as they create reality. So I wasn’t talking about what I viewed as a setback, even a failure. 


My journey isn’t over – the lessons continue and I get to work with them as they arise. This past Memorial Day I arrived at another decision point. The physical symptoms and emotional anguish had reached an all-time high, and I didn’t want to continue living. I was worn out, hopeless, pushed to my limit.


Except, there is a purpose to all suffering. I KNOW that God has a bigger purpose for my personal experiences, and what it’s allowed me to access. I know that I am meant to be a source of inspiration for others.


It hasn’t been easy – the most impactful things often are not. Running a business and holding it together. Impacting thousands around the world and collapsing into bed by 4pm some days. A healer healing others while being on the healing journey yet again. Focusing on being a source of inspiration, for myself and others, while having moments and times of extreme doubt and even hopelessness. 


The things that push us to our very limits are the very things that allow us to grow and evolve. There’s always a silver lining – if you choose to find it. One of mine has been in recognizing my talent for helping people navigate through despair to breakthrough.


I’ve learned so much, things I could not have truly learned without personally experiencing it. It would be easy to fall into feeling like a victim – except that I am humbled by the innumerable blessings.


Most of all, I know, without doubt, that LOVING YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT – even when you’re sick, stuck, overwhelmed, ashamed, falling short, or feel like giving up, is one of our greatest lessons in life. Trusting yourself, and surrendering the rest to God (or your higher power). 


Why am I sharing this?

  • To be authentic and vulnerable. Shame lives inside secrecy. 
  • To let you know that you are not alone.


Most of all, I’m sharing this to pass on my own lessons, in hopes that it will make a difference for you


What I’m realizing (once again) is how those things that push us to our very limits are the very things that allow us to grow and evolve. I tend to isolate when I am struggling; more and more, I’m recognizing and embracing the importance of support, and not letting myself disconnect. I believe that light workers (those in service to the evolution of humanity) are able to transmute suffering through their own experiences, meaning that our existential suffering has a higher purpose. 


There’s always a silver lining – if you choose to find it. One of mine has been seeing that one of my true talents is helping people navigate through despair to breakthroughs. 


At 44 (with another birthday around the corner), I am blessed to have experienced what I have, to have learned so much…and to still be on the path while making a difference for so many awesome people LIKE YOU. I guide awesome people in maximizing their awesomeness! 


If anything I’ve said resonates with you, reach out. I have space for a few private clients who are READY to break through to ease, flow, grace, and a new beginning.


Much love,


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