The Wisdom of Your Feelings

The Wisdom of Your Feelings

When I was little, I learned that it wasn’t safe to admit to feelings, express feelings, or share feelings, let alone have feelings. I became quite the expert at stuffing down my feelings. Anything to avoid feeling them. I would distract myself, avoid and repress, deny, move into action and achievement…whatever it took to not feel.

Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t have a horrible childhood. But I often felt alone, misunderstood, was yearning to be cherished, and even questioned if I was loved. I was shy, didn’t fit in with the other kids, felt like an outsider, had very few close friends. I blended into the woodwork and often felt overlooked at school. It probably wasn’t much different from many childhoods. Yet, the impact was nevertheless profound. 

This avoidance strategy was probably a brilliant one for a small human unable to understand or deal with all those big feelings. But, it hasn’t been helpful as an adult and here’s why.

When you try to sidestep your feelings instead of letting them pass through (by feeling/experiencing them), they can get lodged in your body.

The unexpressed feelings then show up as pain, fatigue, constipation (holding on/not letting go), migraines, anxiety, depression, insomnia, low self-esteem/confidence, and any number of other general malaise-type symptoms. 

I’m 42 and until just the past couple years I didn’t realize that in order to not walk around with a huge weight, I need to let my feelings be seen, heard, felt, validated…so they could pass through.

I carried around this heavy burden (picture staggering around under a huge backpack) for as long as I could remember, having no idea why life seemed so darned HEAVY. I wanted to put the darned thing down! I would see others being light and free and so different…and I’d wonder what was wrong with me?

This was DEFINITELY part of my chronic health struggle.

I was in total denial about the role of my emotions in the health picture – for YEARS I stubbornly declared that it was all physical. And part of it was. But (with me and as I’ve learned with my clients), there is pretty much always an emotional component in chronic poor health. Whether it is the cause or not varies. However, it’s always something to look at (this explains why someone can be doing everything “right” health-wise, yet not be getting better).

In nature, animals have a very efficient way of dealing with feelings, especially fear. If you watch the nature channel, you’ve probably seen this. It’s instinctive. If a predator attacks (and the prey survives), the animal will shake visibly until the trauma is released. Then, life continues. All fine!

But as humans we are conditioned to not show our distress. We are conditioned to act like all is fine, even when it’s definitely not. Which usually means that even when we are alone or in a safe space, we don’t let loose. We aren’t authentic about what’s happening inside, we don’t cry, we aren’t willing to be vulnerable. We’ve learned it’s frowned upon.

Causing a huge backlog of old, unaided stuff.

The other reason we avoid our feelings is because we’ve learned that experiencing those feelings hurts. So we instinctively avoid it, like you would a hot stove after touching it once. 

The thing is, the discomfort or pain of experiencing feelings can last mere moments…far less time than it takes to recover from stuffed-down feelings that get stuck and create health issues. 

We think/assume that by avoiding feeling we are protecting ourselves…but we are doing exactly the opposite, without even realizing it. We are denying ourselves. 

Our feelings are the counterbalance to our mind, the heart and soul of our humanness. It’s where our higher self, our intuition, our inner wisdom lives.

Our feeling self is where we gain insights from the collective consciousness, and feel connected to something bigger and greater than ourselves. This is our gateway to love and joy and all our higher-vibration states of being.

Our feeling self is where the JUICE of life is. It’s certainly not in the analysis, the judgments, the logical mind. 

But when we are out of touch with our feelings, we are effectively SHUT DOWN. Disconnected. Out of touch, out of sorts. From ourselves and others. And we wonder why and how things went downhill.

Even when you know better, lifelong habits and automatic reactions can easily resume. I too forget, and slip back into old patterns and habits. Then wonder why my body is hurting or I’m not sleeping well or I feel out of sorts and disconnected. 

Then I remember and recognize what’s happening. Oh yeah, I have been completely disconnected to my feelings again! (Trying to create awareness without judgment.)

So – what to do? Try this: 

1. Awareness/Willingness/Intention. Recognize that your past strategy isn’t working, and open yourself up to a new approach that will offer you something different and more of what you would rather have. From this place you can create fresh. 

2. Ground Yourself. When you are in a safe space, alone or with someone trusted, breathe deeply and feel your body. Imagine that your feet are connecting to the core of the Earth. 

3. Inquire. Ask your body: what am I avoiding feeling? What do I need to feel?

4. FEEL. Allow yourself to move into that feeling – just the feeing, without the thoughts (story) that our mind assigns. Just feel the raw emotion (sadness, anger, rejection, neglect, disappointment, etc.). You can also connect with and ask your inner child what he/she needs (a good practice regardless).

5. NON-JUDGMENT. Do so without judgment – this is key so as not to create shame on top of unexpressed feeling. You are never wrong for feeling whatever you’re feeling. 

Do this process regularly to avoid build-up 🙂

Use the video above to cry with me…let’s let go of that old baggage together! I am here for you ~ trust me, we’re in this together. I won’t judge you or think you are weak or anything other than truly magnificent for allowing whatever is in there to come out! I will hold the space for you to clear out whatever needs clearing out. 

I want you to be free, light, and able to experience life in a way that brings JOY to you!

Sending you a GREAT BIG HUG! And get in touch if you need support…having a dedicated coach is the FASTEST way to move though old stuff and create fresh.

Love,

Marcie

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